In Death
by Grey-sama
Summary: So I fell asleep after I beat Madara into the dirt - I did not faint - and woke up in a dark place with some freak who thought I was the Kyuubi. Then, he goes on this rant about punishment, and I end up here. But, where is here? Note, strong language
1. Naruto: I shouldn't have said 'therapy'

_**I don't own Naruto or Bleach**_

**AN: Ok, my first fic. It's an un-beta chapter – just warning you – because I don't have a beta reader. Well, unless you count autocorrect on Microsoft (which I don't own!)**

**And just to help some of the people out there, this is Naruto's POV. If you look at the chapter titles it will tell you who's view we're in, but it shouldn't change around that much.**

**EDIT: **Nothing major. I just fixed a sectence in there that **Servent Satsujinki **pointed out was wrong. I can't believe I missed that...

* * *

It's dark. Very dark. So dark, in fact, that I can't tell if my eyes are opened or closed. Come to think of it, I can't even tell if I'm moving! Damn it! I bet I'm unconscious or something. I _was_ fighting Madara… But I never remember unconsciousness being so… boring.

'_Kyuubi…'_

Damn it, now I'm imagining voices. That's not healthy. I'm pretty sure that's not the fox's voice too – it's not depressing enough, and it doesn't exactly sit there and call its own name multiple times. Then again, the only time I talk to that thing is when it's trying to take over. Or when I'm unconscious and it wants to complain about something. For all I know it might like calling it's name like that… That's not a disturbing thought at _all._

'_Kyuubi…'_

Ah well, maybe if I ignore it then it'll go away. That's worked on the fox plenty of times when I'm trying to sleep. Besides, it's not like it's talking to me, anyway. Whoever it is they're talking to the fox. In the mean time, let's try to wake up…

'_Do not ignore me, Kyuubi.'_

Hehehe, someone's mad at you stupid fox. You should answer.

'_Fool, what are you talking about. I'm talking to you.'_

W-whoa. This guy's like reading my thoughts or something. Creepy.

'_...Of course. We are in your mind after all. Though it is surprising that you don't remember what I am capable of.'_

Eh, so you _can_ read my mind. That's awesome! But, weren't you trying to talk to the Kyuubi? He's probably sleeping right now, lazy ass… If he wasn't, then he would have been over here harping at me to maim something.

'_You are the Kyuubi.'_

W-what? No I'm n-

'_Do not deny it.'_

Too bad. I'm denying it.

'_Fool, playing these childish games with me isn't going to get you out of your punishment.'_

Punishment? For what! If anyone here should be punished, it's you. Coming into my mind and accusing me of being that stupid fox. Who are you anyway?

'_Hn, it makes no difference if you want to go along with this game. For the crimes you have committed against humans, I hereby-'_

Hold on a minute, I see it now. Everything was obvious now. This is all just some joke.

'_It makes no difference what you see.'_

You're Sasuke! It's so obvious now, this is all a prank to get back at me for dying your hair pink earlier. I should have known. Saying 'Hn' gave you away.

'_I do not know who this 'Sasuke' is.'_

Dude, you can stop the prank now. Turn your freaky eyes off and get out of my head, it's creeping me out.

'_I am not this Sasuke you speak of!'_

Oh really? Then who are you? God this was getting irritating. Just accept defeat already Sasuke.

'_I am Creator! The one who rules over this world and the next!'_

…Who?

'_Che, I believe the humans call me 'God'. There are quite a few of them who call me 'King of the Worlds' too. You demons also have many names for me.' _

Sasuke, we've talked about this. Uchiha's do not reign supreme. When I wake up, we're taking you back to therapy. God knows you need it.

'_You are even more infuriating than the last time, Kyuubi! Forget this, I'm just going to punish you. No more pointless arguing.'_

Bastard! Calling me Kyuubi again. I'm gonna hurt you when I wake up!

'_I hereby punish you to-'_

Shut up you stupid bastard, and get out of my head!

'_I hereby punish-'_

I said shut the fuck up! God, you're so irritating sometimes!

'_I hereby-'_

You fag! What don't you understand about shut up!

'_DAMN IT, SHUT UP!'_

…

'_Thank you. Now, on to your punishment. Normally, I would just spontaneously combust the soul of someone who has committed as many crimes as you. But, seeing as you were the first being I brought into this world, I have made an exception. You will be sent into a new dimension I have created, and you will be stuck there eternally.'_

…Sorry, what? Things tend to just fly in one ear and out the other…

'_Gah! Forget this. You're hopeless. Now be gone to your new home, and leave me alone!'_

Suddenly, it was bright, and I saw, for the briefest moments, a palace. And not one of those crapy my-house-is-bigger-and-better-than-your-house that the rich nobles owned. It was… magnificent. That's the only word I can think of the describe it. But, that brief moment passed, and I felt a small tug. Then that small tug turned into a pull, and that pull into a feeling of falling.

Sasuke? I'm sorry! I won't take you to therapy! Just make this stop! I swear I'm gonna barf! Gah, h-hey, wait! What's going on! Sasuke? Sasuke! SASUKE, DAMN IT, WHAT DID YOU DOOO!

Then my world was thrown back into darkness.

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**AN: Hehehe, this was a fun chapter to write, considering who Naruto was yelling at.**

**Oh, and for all you religious people out there, this is a fanfic. Which means that there will be made-up things in it. So please don't harp at me about the 'Creator' thing, I'm religious too. Christian, actually.**

**I will try and get the next chapter out next Friday. In the meantime, enjoy and review!**


	2. Naruto: I'm what now?

_**I don't own Naruto or Bleach**_

**AN: Yo. This is a super-extra early chapter. I was re-reading the first one, and thought 'Meh, good, but I'll probably forget about it before next week.' So, to get you guys addicted, I've decided to post the next chapter!**

**From now on though, it'll be one chapter per week, unless there's a special occasion.**

* * *

… _Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out…_

Hehehe, I'm alive. Suck it Sasuke! I beat Madara, and you could barely scratch him! Oh wait. If I'm gonna brag, I should brag out loud. Not in my head. He can't hear me in here.

I opened my mouth, preparing to scream my insult to the world, only to choke on how dry my mouth felt.

Gah, I feel like shit.

_**You're not the only one, kit. **_I froze. Was that just…?

Kyuubi, since when are you talking to me?

_**Wait, you heard that?**_ So it was that bastard fox!

Yeah, should I not have?

_**Well I just wasn't expecting you to.**_

Why's that?

_**Because the only time I can talk to you is when you are either asleep, unconscious, or one of us forces you into your mindscape. I'm pretty sure you're awake at the present, and no one is forcing you to do anything.**_

…Oh, I see. That makes sense.

_**You should probably open your eyes now. I mean, come on, what kind of ninja doesn't immediately check their surroundings after regaining consciousness? Pathetic…**_

Shut up you bastard fox! I complied though, and opened my eyes, expecting to see the white tile that would signify a hospital.

Well, I _was _met with whiteness, but not the whiteness I was expecting.

Where the ramen was I? Everything was so white, but I couldn't smell cleaning crap. That meant I wasn't in a hospital, or anywhere near medicine for that matter. It was obvious that no-one had found me yet, which was surprising. I wasn't exactly quiet while fighting Madara.

First there was that giant explosion, with the wind and the fire and some sort of creepy flaming dirt-fist-thingy. I wonder what that was…

Anyway, then there was when I shot a Rasenshuriken at him, charged with a shit load of Kyuubi's chakra.

_**You're welcome.**_

Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure that one took off his arm.

_**Yours too dipshit. You're lucky I have high speed regeneration powers, or you would be significantly armless right now.**_

God, were you always this chatty?

_**Yeah, but the only time I could ever bother you would be in your sleep. Now, however, I can talk to you freely. Thank you Kami-sama, for whatever the hell you did.**_

Wait, you mean that voice from earlier was actually God?

_**Voice? You talked to Kami? Oh god, why wasn't I awake for that conversation! I only felt Kami's leftover energy on you! Holy hell that would have been hilarious to watch! What sort of rude names did you call him, her, whatever the hell that thing is?**_

Oh, so you were asleep? Well anyway, let's see, names… wait, WHY THE FUCK AM I TALKING TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

_**I DON'T KNOW! **_

WHY ARE YOU YELLING!

_**BECAUSE YOU STARTED YELLING!**_

SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

_**FINE!**_

FINE! Psh, stupid fox, irritating me like that…

…Where am I anyway? Gah, I need to move to figure that out. I'm still freakin' sore from earlier. Oh well, I need to figure out where I am, soreness comes later.

I sat up slowly, mindful that I didn't know how serious my injuries were. There were quite a few occasions where the Kyuubi had taken the pain from a serious, life-threatening injury and neglected to heal it. I ended up almost dying of blood-loss on most of those occasions.

Hmm, strange. I don't remember being shirtless. My head feels kinda heavy too. I probably wacked it on something. Well, as long as I can see clearly…

"AHHHHJDKLFJJSLKFJKLJKJDFKSLJK!" I screamed. Momentarily forgetting about my dry mouth.

_**What is it? Enemies? Oh Kami, please say yes. I really want to crush something right now.**_

"THERE'S A HOLE IN MY STOMACH!"

_**FUCK, A HOLE? YOUR GONNA DIE! WHICH WOULD DRAG ME TO THE AFTERWORLD WITH YOU! FUUUUUUUUUCK! YOU IDIOT, HOW DO YOU GET A HOLE PUNCHED THROUGH YOUR STOMACH AND NOT NOTICE UNTIL NOW? SAY SOMETHING SOONER! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!**_

…

**NOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!**

Oi, fox.

_**DAMN IT! IT'S NOT CLOSING! STUPID HOLE! **_

Kyuubi.

_**CLOSE! CLOSE! CLOSE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!**_

KYUUBI!

_**WHAT, DAMN IT! I'M BUSY HERE!**_

…It doesn't hurt.

_**What?**_

I said it doesn't hurt. In fact, it feels normal. Look, it's not even bleeding.

…_**What kind of crazy shit are you smoking? How can a hole in your stomach feel **_**normal?**

I'm not smoking anything, bastard! And how should I know why a hole in my stomach feels normal? I'm not a genius or anything!

_**Got that right.**_

Excuse me? Repeat that please.

_**I said that-**_

Gah, just shut up. I need to figure out what's going on, and talking to you isn't helping. Just… sit and stay.

_**Are you giving me animal commands? Last time I checked, I was the Almighty Demon Lord Kyuubi, not some dog you could boss around… Hey, are you even listening?**_

Nope. Shut up. Hmm, I have pants on still, but they're a little torn up. I'm not even gonna bother to try and figure out why my feet are covered in red fur… and in the shape of paws… and why my legs feel the same way…

_**Ha, you responded. That means you are listening.**_

…Oh look, the fur stops at my waist…

_**Now, let's set some rules down. Now that I can talk to you freely-**_

…It starts again at my elbows and goes down to my hands…

_**Ehem. As I was saying. Rule #1. If I ask you to do something, you do it. This includes all forms of killing and maiming.**_

…Great. I have furry hands. They look kinda like the Kyuubi's…

_**Rule #2. No shouting 'Dattebayo!' anymore. That freakin' makes my ears bleed.**_

…Is that a skull on my face? With long ears? Damn it! I have a rabbits skull on my face! Oh wait, rabbits don't have pointy teeth. It must be a Kyuubi-skull.

_**Rule #3. You – I'm just going to ignore the insult to my face shape right now and continue – You will address me as 'Kyuubi-sama' or 'Master' or 'Supreme Ruler of Demons'.**_

When did I acquire a tail? And all this bone crap. Whoa, it's connected to the skull! Hey, this bone stuff looks just like when I went six-tails! Except I only have one tail right now and it stops at my waist.

_**Rule #4. If you ever want to use my power again, you will have to beg for it. Got that? I'll add more rules once I think of new ones.**_

…Shit. The seal is gone.

_**What was that?**_

Uh, nothing.

_**No no no, I thought I heard you say something interesting just now. Something about the seal…?**_

Nope! You didn't hear anything! You're just hallucinating or something.

_**First off, I'm in your mind. It's impossible to hallucinate in someone's mind. Second, I've unfortunately known you since you were born. When you get all defensive like that, you're trying to hide something. And third. Now that you've drawn my attention to it, it does seem that the seal is missing.**_

Hehehe, so it seems. The hole seems to have replaced it.

_**Well, it's been horrible knowing you kit, but I'm out of here. Just remember, I hate you and hope you die feeling the most excruciating pain possible!**_

Shit! I closed my eyes, bracing for the pain that I knew was coming. I mean, just using a small portion of the fox's chakra was painful. Imagine all of it pouring out at once. I shivered and tensed, this was gonna hurt…

I scrunched my face up under the mask-like-skull. Waiting for the pain that was sure to come…

The pain that was sure to come…

Waiting for the pain…

The pain…

Damn it Kyuubi! Just get it over with already!

…

Oi, fox! I said get it over with already!

… _**I… can't…**_

What? If this is some sort of joke to get me to relax before you kill me…

_**Sadly, no. It kinda feels like I'm attached to you or something… Oh fuck! What did you say Kami-sama was here for earlier?**_

Uh, I didn't.

_**Tell me why that dipshit was here, you dipshit!**_

Uh… something about punishing you. Gah! I remember now! That fag thought I was you! I've had enough of people confusing us! You need to remove your ass from my mind this instant!

_**I would gladly leave your pathetic mind if I could! I dislike being confused with a weakling like you, it ruins my reputation! On another note, what was my punishment? I'm curious as to what Creator is going to do to me.**_

I subconsciously noted that he sounded a little worried, but I pushed that though aside for now.

Wait, can demon lords sound worried?

I'm gonna ignore the 'weakling' remark right now. And, uh, punishment… let's see… Oh, right. You are gonna be sent to a new dimension or something, and live there for the rest of eternity all by your lonesome. Ha! Sucks for you!

…_**So, let me get this straight. Kami thought you were me, and told you that he, she – you know what? I'm just gonna stick with it – was going to punish you by sending you to a new dimension eternally.**_

Yep, that's pretty much it. Say, when is your punishment gonna start anyhow?

…_**Fuck**_

What?

_**Punishment starts when you die.**_

Ha, so you still got a decade or so left.

…_**You're a dipshit.**_

Hey, don't call me names for no reason!

_**Have you looked around at our surroundings?**_

Uh, no. but now that you mention it, where the hell are we? Did Dad call me back into the depths of the seal, or something? Everything is white, just like that time.

I looked around. Dad's not here though… Darn it, I wanted to talk to him again.

The only difference now was that pond of water and that coconut tree over there, but that's beside the point.

I heard the fox sigh.

_**Think about is. What's the last thing you remember about you fight with Madara?**_

Um, let's see… Ah! That bastard shot me with Kirin! When did he copy that from Sasuke!

_**Now think about it. Do you think it's possible to survive a shot from that with your crappy defense?**_

Mnn, probably not. What are you getting at? And stop boasting about your stupid, impenetrable fur. Not everyone spends hours a day making sure every hair on their head is perfectly in place. Yeah, I went there.

_**Che, now's not the time for that. Really though, out of all the babies born on that fateful day, I had to get stuck inside of the mentally retarded one.**_

Shut it beauty queen, I don't have mental issues! Just remember, I will use that against you one day. Now what the fuck do you keep going on about.

_**Well, if you must know…**_

Yes, I must.

_**It seems that we are dead.**_

I could practically _feel _the sarcasm dripping off the fox's next statement.

_**Looks like you won't be able to use that beauty-queen blackmail against me after all.**_

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**AN: Cliffy! Well, this chapter was a lot of dialog, and the Kyuubi seemed to pop up more than I intended… Oh well, it still looks good to me!**

**Looking back over this, there is a lot of cursing. A ton of it. Who thinks I should raise the rating? There won't be any lemons in this story, but thinking about it, I have a few mature scenes planned.**

**T means 'teen' right? Teens can handle this kind of stuff. I would know, I'm a teen. Or should I raise the rating just to be safe?**

**Oh, the beauty queen thing. I had this dream about the Kyuubi singing this one song... I wrote it down in a mini-chapter, but its just a bunch of crack. I'll post it if you guys want though...**

**Enjoy and please review!**


	3. Naruto: Coconut Trees

_**I don't own Naruto or Bleach**_

**AN: To ****Nobody****, the anonymous reviewer – I actually had punctuation in there at first, but I edited it out because I thought it looked… strange. But maybe that's just me. I put it back in this chapter though, 'cause I'm sure it wasn't only you who this was bothering.**

**Anyway, it feels like the story is coming along kinda slow… please just stick with me for a few more chapters, and then we'll get some BLEACH stuff going on.**

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**Day**: Unknown,

**Time**: Unknown,

**Place**: I've decided to call this place the Coconut-Pond World. Reason? That's all that's here. I tried walking around to try and find something else, but I always ended up magically pointed back in the direction of the pond and tree.

**Entry**: I don't know how long I've been here, and I have no clue where 'here' is. Kyuubi says it's the punishment realm that the fag-inside-my-mind was talking about (Kyuubi insists that it was God, but I could really care less).

The coconut tree is my only source of food. It produces exactly three coconuts every day. I swear, one day I'll die from hunger! I can't live off three coconuts a day forever! Wait, can I die? Well, again I mean. Technically I'm already dead.

I think it's strange though, that I haven't suffered from malnutrition. Super-coconuts maybe?

There is no sunlight in this place. Because of this, I have become very white. Or at least the parts of me I could see were white, I don't know about the other parts of me. The only reason I can see stuff here is because the walls are white, and seem to be glowing with inner light.

That was the cheesiest thing I think I've ever said.

Anyway, the fox was saying something about how our souls are stuck together now, and that's why I look half-mutant-er, fox.

How long has it been since I died? I don't know. Like I said before, there is no sun or moon to rise and set. I can't tell how many days have passed. Hell, a couple of years could have passed by now and I wouldn't have known.

But I highly doubt that.

It's laughable, really.

That much time couldn't have passed.

I wish I at least had some company. The Kyuubi doesn't count – he lives inside my head. That plus the fact that he's a millennia-year old fox demon (or that's how old I _think _he is… He won't tell me his real age) makes it kind of strange to talk to him. I think spending all this time with me has made him a little crazy anyway…

_**You must be really bored. You don't even have any paper to write down your meaningless crap.**_

'What the fuck do you think.'

_**I think somebody's grumpy!**_

'Oh god no.'

_**Hey mister grumpy tails!**_

'NO!'

_**When life gets you gown, you know what you have to do?**_

'No, I don't want to know what you have to do.'

_**Just keep destroying! Just keep destroying! Just keep blow-ing tons of shit up!**_

'Damn it, not again!'

_**What do we do? We blow, shit, up.**_

'Please fox. No singing.'

_**Ha ha-ha haaaa, I love destroying! When you want to destroy! We love to destroy!**_

'Kyuubi stop! I'm gonna get this-'

_**Destroying!**_

'-Stupid song, Oh great, now it's stuck in my head.'

_**Sorry.**_

'No you're not.'

_**I know. You should really try destroying something though. It's a stress reliever. Plus, there's nothing else to do.**_

'If you haven't noticed, there isn't anything to destroy. And for the record, you're the one causing me stress in the first place.'

The only think you could do in this world was draw with a black marker. A few hours into my first day here (or so I think) I had gotten so bored and wished for something-_anything_ to do.

And that's when I had seen it.

I don't know how I had missed it before, and I don't really care. All's I know is that a black marker was sitting under the coconut tree, just waiting for me to use it.

It was a magic marker. No, seriously. It never ran out of ink. So, I had scribbled all over the whiteness of this world. The only stupid part about the whole thing was that all of my drawing disappeared after a few hours. (Or so I thought it was a few hours… I still couldn't tell time here)

I was thinking about the marker so hard, that I almost missed what the Kyuubi said.

_**Good to know. I make it my personal goal to drive you almost-insane.**_

'Almost? Why not all the way insane?'

'_**Cause then I'd have no one to talk to. You at least provide decent entertainment.**_

'You speak of me as if you're watching a play or something.'

_**Well, technically I am. I'm stuck here watching the drama of your life unfold. **_

There was a pause.

_**Let's blow that tree up.**_

'What?'

_**I want to see it explode into itsy, bitsy pieces. Hehehe, with lots of blood, and guts, and… hehehe… yeah… blood…**_

'Uh, then I wouldn't have anything to eat.'

_**But the stupid tree resets itself every few hours! It'll just come back! Come ooooooon, It's so boring herrrrrrrrrrre!**_

'… Are you whining?'

_**No. You're just imagining it. Now blow up the damn tree!**_

I sighed. I wasn't going to hear the end of this. And I was kinda curious – was the tree just resting itself, or was it just a super-tree that grew things super-fast?

I took a few steps, so I was now in front of the tree.

'Fine, I'll do it.'

I raised my fist, about ready to pound the thing into the ground, when the Kyuubi interrupted.

_**How lame. You're using your hands.**_

'Well then, what should I do? Kick it to smithereens?'

Seriously. That's really the only other thing I could do.

_**Blast it with chakra!**_

'I don't have chakra anymore, stupid fox. Neither do you, for that matter.'

We had discovered the when you die, you don't have chakra anymore.

_**Well then, use that other energy you have now.**_

'…Other energy?'

_**God, you are such a dipshit. **_

'I thought we covered this, no name-calling unless I really am being a dipshit. I really don't see how I'm being a dipshit right now, therefore you aren't allowed to call me names.'

The Kyuubi sighed, and I got the strangest feeling that he was about to start some sort of long-winded explanation that I probably wouldn't understand.

_**Chakra is the combination of Spiritual and Physical energy. Physical energy comes from the physical body, and spiritual energy comes from the actual spirit of something. You obviously don't have physical energy anymore, since you're just a spirit. However spiritual energy is potent on its own, since it's always used with physical energy and that's what your bodies are used to. Hohoho, you're lucky.**_

'Are you withholding information from me again?'

Hey, I was right. I don't understand most of this so far.

_**Che, you're such an idiot. **_**I'm here**_**.**_

' Unfortunately.'

I stepped back from the tree a little bit, and crossed my arms, waiting for him to continue.

_**Watch it kit. Anyway, demons like to call their energy chakra for the sake of convenience. It's actually different altogether from what you humans use. There really is no name for it though, since everyone was too lazy to think up a name…**_

'What's your point?'

_**Kami help me. You're hopeless. Remember how I said our souls are partially connected? Well, in the moment they joined together, so did our energy.**_

'You sure like to talk.'

_**Since you're the dominant one though, only a small portion of my energy was mixed in with your spiritual energy.**_

'Gah, too much information all at once.'

_**Since my energy is also very potent, they managed to cancel each other out, and create a balance, giving you a new type of energy to use. It actually feels pretty similar to chakra.**_

'And you're still going.'

_**Understand now, kit?**_

'Uh, yep!'

_**You didn't understand a word, did you.**_

'Nope.'

_**Dipshit. Just go blow up the tree already. **_

'It's all fine and dandy that you can prove I have some sort of energy and all, but that doesn't mean I can actually use it. Hell, I can barely feel this crap!'

'But now that you mention it, I _can _feel it. Wow. It does feel pretty similar to chakra.'

'Oh, look at that. I just lost it.'

_**That's because you aren't used to it. You're used to chakra. Just focus and you'll be able to feel it. But no guarantee's. You are a hopeless dipshit after all.**_

''_Just focus!'_ You know how well I focus, asshole…' I closed my eyes though, and took a calming breath. For a brief moment, I could feel it. Quickly, I put my hands into the basic sign for focusing chakra…

And lost it.

"Damn it!" I was so pissed that I actually ended up swearing out loud. "And don't you comment on this, you bastard fox. I almost had it!"

Surprisingly, the fox stayed quiet. I was determined to use this newfound energy of mine for the simple fact that it was something to do. So, concentrating, I once again closed my eyes. And once again, I felt it. And once again, I lost it as I tried to focus it.

"Fuck!" I tried again, but I got the same result.

_**You hopeless dipshit. It's not chakra. You can't focus it with handsigns. Try something more natural feeling, like Rasengan! Hm… I always liked that technique. It's so destructive.**_

'Fine!' I held my hand out to the side, palm up, and concentrated as hard as I could. I could just barely make a one-handed Rasengan with chakra. I highly doubt that I'll be able to do it with whatever this is.

Oh well, if it get's the fox to shut up...

_FLOOSH! _

_**Oh my god.**_

'Holy shit.'

_BOOM!_

Off in the distance, there was now a giant crater. I could tell because I could see grey shadows going down, instead of continuous white.

We were both quiet for a moment, each of us wondering how the hell Rasengan turned into a laser beam.

_**Do it again!**_

'…What?'

_**I said do it again!**_

'But how…?'

_**Who cares! You can fire laser beams! That's fucking awesome!**_

I was still in a somewhat state of shock, but I lifted my hand up and focused on bringing another Rasengan into existence.

_FLOOSH!_

Sure enough, another laser beam shot out of my hand. I noted in the back of my head that the energy was red. Hm, must be an effect from the Kyuubi's energy.

_**Fuck yeah! Laser beams!**_

_BOOM!_

Needless to say, this place gained quite a few new craters that day. Too bad they reset a while later, they were something to look at besides white.

Sometime later, I passed out from chakra exhaustion. I had decided to keep calling it chakra, even though it was obviously wasn't. Much like the demons, I was too lazy to name it. Well, that. Plus Kyuubi said all the names I picked out sucked… bastard.

When I came too, the fox told me to fire a laser beam at the tree. At point blank. Why? I don't particularly know. I'm pretty sure both of us are a bit crazy. Maybe that's why I did it.

I walked up to the tree, held my hand up in front of me, and fired as much chakra as I could.

You can imagine my surprise when a tear opened up in front of the tree.

Yes, a tear.

And me, being the crazy idiot I am, listened to the Kyuubi when he told me to go into it.

_**FREE! WE'RE FREE!**_

I just stood there, this time definitely in a state of shock. That air-tear had led to trees. Real trees, not coconut-growing ones. And dirt, and grass, and flowers, and bugs, and I even saw a rabbit over there!

_**HOLY HELL, WE'RE FREE!**_

The fox seems happy about it.

_**WHAT ARE YOU DOING! RUN, DIPSHIT, RUN!**_

So I ran. Right into a tree. Then, I tripped backwards over a bush, landing on my back, staring straight up at the sky. That's when I realized I must have been in that sunless world longer than I had thought.

"AHHHHKDSKHHHHALSKJDFKLAJHJHG! MY EYES! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

So I spent the next few minutes adjusting my eyes to light again, with the stupid fox laughing at me the whole time.

When I finally recovered, I started walking. All the while feeling the strangest feeling of déjà-vu. When I walked out into a clearing, I knew why.

The grass was cut short, and there were three posts in the center of the clearing. Off to my right, a small stream flowed quietly, and off to my left was a stone.

In front of said stone was a man. He looked older than I remembered, and was wearing the standard Konoha Jounin outfit with his clan symbol stitched onto the back.

"Sasuke…" I couldn't believe it. Was I really back in Konoha? I glanced up and to the left. Holy fuck, I was back in Konoha! There was the Hokage Mountain! With all… seven Hokages' on it? I could have sworn…

Oh.

Carved into the mountain, from left to right, was the faces of all the Hokages'. Hashirama Senju, Tobirama Senju, Hiruzen Sarutobi, Minato Namikaze, Tsunade Senju, _my _face, and then Sasuke's face.

_**Looky there kit, they count you as their Sixth Hokage. How touching. Now, blow something up!**_

I was touched. I had never been named the Hokage. It gave me a warm feeling to know that that's how I was remembered. No doubt Sasuke worked his ass off to become the Seventh Hokage. He was just starting to come around before I died. It's nice to know my efforts paid off.

_**I dislike this touchy-feely part of you. Blow something up.**_

'Shut up. I'm remencing.'

_**It's 'reminiscing' you dipshit.**_

'Shut up.' I focused my attention back on Sasuke. Or, where he had been. While I had been ogling my sexy face on the Hokage Mountain, he had started to walk away.

"Ah, wait! Sasuke!"

He stomped. Turning around slowly, with an unreadable expression on his face. He looked in my general direction for a minute, confusion crossing his face, before a flash of fear made itself visible. But it was only a flash. Soon, his bi-polar face settled on looking confused and irritated. I heard him mutter, "Great, now I'm imagining fox-monsters…" before turning around and continuing on his way.

I stood there, shocked. 'That ass called me a fox-monster! I'm not a fox-monster!'

_**No comment.**_

I marched up to the stream that flowed through the clearing. 'Che, I'll prove to you that I'm not a… Oh yeah.'

I had completely forgotten what I looked like. That fox-skull-mask, bone crap sticking everywhere, red fur, a tail. Yeah, I looked pretty fox-monster-ish.

My fists tightened, damn mask, damn fur, damn tail, damn everything! My hands flew to the skull-mask.

That thing was coming off.

I had tried to get it off before, but it had never worked. Now, however, I was determined to get it off. I would _not _look like a monster anymore.

_CRACK!_

My best friend hadn't even recognized me.

_CRACK!_

Hell, he had looked _scared _of me.

_CRACK! CRACK!_

Damn it! Get off!

And with one final _CRACK, _the skull-mask was off. I only had a moment to celebrate, however, before a searing heat flowed through me. All's I remember after that is screaming and passing out.

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**AN: WOO! Third chapter already! He's taking the mask off… Darn it, I liked the mask. Oh well, maybe I'll bring it back one day. :U Gasp!**

**As for Sasuke becoming Hokage… I really couldn't think of anyone else. I don't like him that much with the whole, 'I need power. Lot's of it.' attitude, and the Itachi revolition made him more dislikable. It doesn't help that Itachi is my favorite character.**

**Well, enough of my rant. Read and review please! **


	4. Naruto: Acorn Pain

_**I don't own Naruto or Bleach**_

**:P This chapter is mostly filler because I couldn't find any inspiration.**

* * *

_**Oi.**_

'Gah. Big fuzzy…'

_**Oi. Kit.**_

'Wheee! Ramen…'

_**Wake up, damn it! You're starting to creep me out!**_

I shot straight up at that outburst, and found myself submerged in a very cold body of water. As fast as I could, I climbed out, panting and cursing the whole time.

I sat on the side of the stream for a while, taking in my surroundings. I was in the same clearing from yesterday, sitting on the bank of the same stream I had looked into before deciding to rip that skull-mask off.

My hand shot up to my face. And touched _skin_. Not white bone material, but skin. Real skin. My hand slid down my face as I sighed.

And then I tensed up again.

My _hand_ had touched my face. Not my paw-thing, but my _hand._ I had hands. Looking down, I saw that the fur stuff that had covered my arms was gone. Shifting my legs I saw that it was off of them as well. And I had _feet._ Real feet. Not fox-paws.

I ended up laughing out loud, moving both of my hands up to grip my hair. God, it felt good to feel my hair again. Then, my hand touched something.

It was hard, smooth, and it seemed to circle my head.

I slowly put my hands down, and leaned over the water.

_**Hehehe, who looks like a rabbit now?**_

'Shut. Up.'

Circling my head – in some sort of sick mockery of a forehead protector – was part of that skull-mask. It even had the Konoha symbol etched into the front of it, just like a real one would. Too make things worse, it had ears. On the right and left sides, sticking up, the long fox ears remained. Of course they were still bone-ified. If that's even a word.

'And just when I thought I was looking normal… That hole in my stomach is even still there…'

_**Hey. Stop complaining. It's making me depressed. Now, I vote to destroy something. Any objections? No? Ok. Our next plan of action is to destroy something. Go on, it'll make you feel better.**_

'Che, not right now fox.' There are more pressing matters at hand. I stood up, and started walking towards where I knew the village was.

_**What, you think they'll be able to see you? Going by how your friend earlier didn't see you, I say you're better off- Oh! Look! Over there! **_

'Fox, we've talked about this. When you say 'over there,' I can't see where you're pointing too. You have to name a direction. And you call me the dipshit…'

_**Fine. But you passed it. You have to turn around and look next to where you were just standing.**_

I sighed, but turned around. It took me a minute, but I finally saw what he was talking about. Just a little bit away from where I had ripped the skull-mask off, there was a sword. The sheath was blood red and had the words 'Kyuubi no Kitsune' inscribed in gold along the side. The guard was a simple gold circle, and the handle was red and gold.

'A sword? Why are you interested in that?'

_**Because dipshit. It has my name on it. Duh.**_

'Oh, right. It certainly does. I forgot.'

With that, I turned around, not wanting to waste any more time here. I had a village to go to. It was, after all, my job as Hokage to make sure my village was ok.

Hehehe, it felt good to call myself the Hokage.

_**Hey, wait! Go get it! I want that sword! Bring it to me, damn it!**_

'Why?'

I heard the fox sigh._** Because, it has my name on it. Therefore, it is mine. Therefore, I want it. Therefore, you will go get it. Therefore-.**_

'Fine, I get it! I'll go pick up the damn sword. How am I going to get it to you?'

…_**I don't know. We'll figure that out later though. I want you to hold onto it for me right now.**_

'Why? I have nowhere to put it. I'm gonna have to carry it everywhere.'

I walked over and picked up the sword though, and, suddenly interested, I unsheathed it. Wow…

The sword was also a blood red. If I had been a sword/weapons fanatic like TenTen, I would be going nutso right now. Not that I wasn't already nutso.

_**Just think of the possibilities.**_

'Possibilities? '

_**Yes, possibilities. **_

'Care to elaborate?'

_**Dipshit. Your friend earlier couldn't see you, right?**_

I nodded.

_**That's because you're a soul. Dead. Not living. Passed awa-**_

'I get it. God, you don't have to remind me.'

I stood up and began walking in the direction I knew the village was. Taking in all the surroundings that I hadn't seen for however long I had been in that jacked-up realm.

_**Weeeell, I highly doubt that this sword is dead. Because, can swords die? The answer is no. That means you will be walking around with a floating sword. Oh the possibilities…**_

A grin crept onto my face. 'I like the way you think. Pranks are my specialty.'

I continued walking through the forest in training grounds 7, the place where I had first become a ninja, when I heard a noise…

And not just any noise, it was a suspicious noise…

One of those noises that go, _'rustle, rustle', _like when someone is moving dry leaves…

_**Hehehe, operation scare-the-living-shit-out-of-people-with-a-floating-sword has just met its first victim.**_

'Shhh! They'll hear you!'

I started to creep towards where I had heard the noise, swiftly and quietly as to not alert whoever it was to my presence.

… _**I live inside your head. How could they hear me?**_

Soon, I came upon a log. Sitting on that log was the source of the suspicious noise. I narrowed my eyes. My lifelong enemy…

… _**A squirrel.**_

'Yes, a squirrel.'

_**Your lifelong enemy is a squirrel?**_

'Yes. We've had many long, exhausting battles… I usually loose. '

_**What did you do during these battles? Throw nuts at each other?**_

'A few times. But mostly they consisted of the squirrel popping out of nowhere and attacking me for no reason what-so-ever. Squirrels just hate me for some reason…'

_**And why do squirrels hate you?**_

'I already said, they hate me for no particular reason.'

Suddenly, the squirrels head shot up. I swear it narrowed its eyes. It slowly rotated its head in a circle, looking all around. Then, it started squeaking.

'What's it saying? Do you know, fox?'

_**Yes, and I will gladly translate. I have a feeling you're about to make a fool of yourself, and I want to see it happen. OK, here it goes:**_

'_**Naruto Uzumaki! I know you're there! I can't see you, but I can smell you! I #$%# can't &^%#^ believe #$%^$#%&% you! Steal my nuts! I'll $^#%^#& you! Don't $%&#$& touch me!'**_

_**Wow, that squirrel sure has a mouth on it. What exactly did you do to it?**_

I tensed.

'Oh my god. This squirrel has a scar under its right eye, doesn't it?'

_**Hmm, it does. But what does that have to do with anything?**_

I narrowed my eyes.

'That is no ordinary squirrel. His name is Michelangelo, and we first met when I was four. I was walking in the forest one day, eating an ice cream cone that I had, ehm, found earlier, when he suddenly fell out of nowhere and onto my head. '

_**What's 'ice cream cone'?**_

'You- you don't know' what an ice cream cone is? What the hell is wrong with you! '

I was seriously contemplating going on a rant about the wondrous joys of ice cream, but the squeaking of Michelangelo snapped me back to my senses.

'We will discuss ice cream cones later, fox. Right now, I will continue telling you about Michelangelo.'

The fox made a grunting noise, that I interpreted as 'Fine, do as you please.'

I took a deep breath, and started my story again.

'So, he fell onto my head, knocking my ice cream cone onto the ground. If that wasn't bad enough, he then proceeded to eat my fallen deliciousness right in front of me. That bastard…'

'Soooo, I picked up a rock and threw it at his head. It hit him right under his right eye, giving him that scar.'

_**Oh-hoho, so you beat him.**_

'Actually, after that, he attacked me and I ended up unconscious. This sparked my eternal hatred for squirrels though, and anytime I would see one, I would throw a rock at it. Hey, maybe that's why they hate me…'

_**Yeah, I would hate someone too if they threw rocks at me.**_

An evil grin spread across my face. 'Hehehe, this is perfect. He can't see me! Revenge time!'

I slowly snuck closer to him, unconsciously unsheathing the newfound red sword as I got closer, the evil grin growing wider with each passing second.

Soon, I was right behind the evil rodent, sword raised and ready to strike. I swung the sword downward, aiming for the head, expecting the stupid squirrel to just die quietly.

What I wasn't expecting, was for Michelangelo to jump out of the way at last minute, turn to face me, and throw an acorn at me.

I stood there, since I was dead and all, it wouldn't- "OUCH!"

"Squeak! Squeak squeakady squeak! Squeeeeak!"

'Kyuubi! What's that bastard saying! K-Kyuubi! Stop laughing! It's not funny!'

Indeed, the fox had started laughing uncontrollably._** Bwahahahaha! The squirrel- Hahaha! This is gold! You get beat up my tiny animals even in death! Ahahahaha!**_

'Sh-shut up! I didn't think that it could hit me! I could have dodged that!'

I glared at Michelangelo, who was now sitting on a low branch in one of the nearby trees, still squeaking his head off.

Stupid squirrel. I bet it saw the sword and just had a lucky shot. I sighed.

'Kyuubi! Can you please stop laughing and translate what that bastard squirrel is saying?'

_**Ahaha. Yes, yes, I'll do that now. **_

'_**Where are you, you $%^$ Uzumaki! Did you know my #$$#^%&% mate #%^#$%^ left me after I $%^# came home with an $%&%$ scar under my %$^&#& eye? NO! I bet you $#^& didn't!'**_

_**Oh that's low. You chased his mate away kit. I think you should apologize. **_

'Wh-what? You're siding with that little rodent! H-how could you? And after all we've been through together… I thought we were closer that this, we've been with each other since I was born, after all. And all those fights we've been through together, some of them we almost didn't come out of alive. Oh, and don't forget dying together. May I remind you that this is all your fault to begin with? If you hadn't been such a human-killing maniac, then we would be wherever dead people usually go.'

_**Hell.**_

'…What?'

_**Hell is the only place for souls to go before they get reborn.**_

'Oh.'

_**I heard it used to be a nice place, but then bad souls started causing trouble, and nobody bothered to put them back in line. Now, the place is ruled by the strongest soul.**_

'That sounds like a horrible place. Worse than where we are now, or where we w – THWACK!'

"Squeaky squeak squeakidy!"

I slowly turned my head to face Michelangelo.

'That squirrel is so gonna die.'

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**AN: Hahaha, squirrel. Yeah, I thought that an uneventful trip back to Konoha would be boring, so I added Michelangelo, the dirty-mouthed squirrel. Hmm, if he's popular I might have to find a way to add him somewhere later in the story… I know I certainly like him. **

**You know, I was gonna make him a panda bear at first, 'cause panda bears are flippin awesome, but I just couldn't see a panda bear cursing.**

**Oh well, read and review please!**


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